The Funniest Quotes From The "Twilight" Movies
The Funniest Quotes From The "Twilight" MoviesSkip To Content
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The 25 Funniest Quotes From The "Twilight" Movies
Hold on tight, spider monkeys.
by Rachel Brodsky ContributorLink
The Twilight movies — aka the five films adapted from Stephenie Meyer's ultra-famous vampire romance series — are not exactly meant to be funny.
Giphy / Summit Entertainment / Via giphy.com They're actually overwrought, dramatic, and suuuuper angsty! (Especially when you watch them 10-plus years later.)
Giphy / Summit Entertainment / Via giphy.com There's so much hokey dialogue! So, in honor of having a good Twilight-related laugh, let's list some quotes out, shall we?
1. "You better hold on tight, spider monkey."
Summit Entertainment OK, so Edward — a vampire — can jump really high and really far. You'd think after more than 100 years of being alive, he'd find a more eloquent/suave way to reveal that information. 2. "You're like my own personal brand of heroin."
Summit Entertainment We get it. Bella smells good to Edward. Edward wants to eat (or maybe snort?) Bella. This line is so hokey, though. 3. "This is the skin of a killer, Bella."
Summit Entertainment His facial expression really drives the ridiculousness home. 4. "You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?!"
Summit Entertainment For context, Jacob/werewolf (Taylor Lautner) imprints on Bella's baby daughter Renesmee in Breaking Dawn Part 2, and he calls her "Nessie" for short. 5. "Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca?"
Summit Entertainment This New Moon greeting lives rent-free in my head in the worst possible way. 6. "I guess the wolf’s out of the bag."
Summit Entertainment Wah-wahhhhhh. 7. "Stop trying to take your clothes off. It might be too late for my soul, but I will protect yours."
Summit Entertainment How dare your long-term girlfriend try to sleep with you! The horror! LOL. 8. "Aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like, really tan?"
Summit Entertainment / Via Giphy.com 9. "Doesn't he own a shirt?"
Summit Entertainment / Via giphy.com No, he doesn't, probably because Jacob's clothes get torn up every time he transforms into a werewolf. 10. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"
Giphy.com / Summit Entertainment Edward. Again: you've been alive for over a century. I know you've got a better analogy in you. 11. "Say it. Out loud. SAY IT."
Summit Entertainment I wouldn't be scared either, TBH. 12. [Bella, about Edward] "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him — and I didn't know how dominant that part may be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
Summit Entertainment *cue piano* 13. "Every second that I'm with you is about restraint...and you're too fragile."
Summit Entertainment 14. "I'm exactly right for you Bella. It would be as easy as breathing with me."
Summit Entertainment 15. "You know, Jacob, if we weren't natural enemies, and you weren't trying to steal my reason for existing, I might actually like you."
Summit Entertainment / Buzzfeed / Via buzzfeed.com 16. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."
Summit Entertainment / Tumblr / Via twilight-af.tumblr.com 17. [Jasper, voting to change Bella into a vampire]: "I vote yes. It would be nice not to want to kill you all the time."
Summit Entertainment Fair point! 18. "You can't trust vampires... Trust me."
Summit Entertainment / Via i.gifer.com 19. [Bella, after turning into a vampire]: "I can see what everyone's been talking about. Jake, you really do stink."
Summit Entertainment 20. [Edward, to a newly turned Bella]: "We're the same temperature now."
Summit Entertainment 21. Alice: "The fetus isn't good for Bella!"
Summit Entertainment OK, I get that the Cullen fam is debating whether or not Bella should stay pregnant with a half-vampire baby, but... Out of context, this "fetus" line is pretty hilarious. 22. "So, this party. Will there be strippers?"
Summit Entertainment Edward: "Just a few mountain lions, a couple grizzly bears." 23. Charlie Swan: "Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun."
Summit Entertainment 24. Jessica: "So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?" Angela: "Jess, she is not pregnant!" Jessica: "OK. Who else gets married at 18??"
Summit Entertainment 25. "Bella, I hope you've gotten enough sleep these last 18 years. Because you won't be getting anymore for a while!"
Summit Entertainment Did we forget any? What are your favorite funny quotes from the Twilight movies?
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