42 Fruits Ranked From Least Sexy To MostSkip To ContentHomepageSign InSearch BuzzFeedSearch BuzzFeedlol Badge Feedwin Badge Feedtrending Badge FeedCalifornia residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.Do Not Sell My Personal Information 2022 BuzzFeed, Inc PressRSSPrivacyConsent PreferencesUser TermsAd ChoicesHelpContactSitemapPosted on 21 Oct 2018 42 Fruits Ranked From Least Sexy To Most Nobody asked for this, but you're getting it anyway. by Natalya LobanovaBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink I know you didn t want need or ask for this but my dear reader a very long list of all the fruits ranked from least to most sexy is what you will be getting today Also, despite what this article may imply, I urge you, I implore you, to not fuck fruit. Or at least to not put it back into the bowl after you're done with it. 42 Starting with the least sexy fruit fingered citron Frankix / Getty Images Though the name has potential for hilarious and sexy innuendo, this fruit is a Lovecraftian nightmare. 41 Coconuts Virtustudio / Getty Images They are hairy, meaty, and milky, all at once. It's just too much. 40 Apples Hayatikayhan / Getty Images Apples are so boring. So bloody boring. Boring is worse than unattractive. They're the fruit equivalent of going on a date with a guy who turns every conversational topic into an opportunity to pitch his idea for a new podcast. 39 Figs Besjunior / Getty Images I think there is something very sexual about figs, but not the sexy kind of sexual. The Sex Ed kind of sexual. The terrifying, "sex is really gross if you think about it" kind of sexual. 38 Jabuticaba Taciophilip / Getty Images I just don't understand who had the bravery to eat this in the first place??? Who looked at this and thought "Ooh, delicious"? This looks like a nest of spiders' eggs. Not sexy. Terrifying. 37 Rambutan Isarapic / Getty Images They're like a fleshy egg, and hairy. 36 Lychee Margouillatphotos / Getty Images Like rambutan but slightly less hairy. 35 Mangosteen Amarita / Getty Images It looks like it needs haemorrhoid cream. 34 Durian Toodlingstudio / Getty Images Look, I know they're meant to be delicious, but they also don't smell too great, and unfortunately a bad smell is never sexy, not matter how delicious you are. 33 Soursop Galitskaya / Getty Images It looks like the spiky, sad penis of some sort of cactus/human hybrid. 32 Ugli fruit Chengyuzheng / Getty Images Honestly, these guys don't even stand a chance. I'm sure they have great personalities. But really... eating an ugli doesn't sound sexy. 31 Blueberries Pilipphoto / Getty Images They're fine, but they don't really get you going, do they? 30 Dragonfruit Enviromantic / Getty Images Dragonfruit are the ultimate catfish. From the outside, they promise you exciting adventures, they promise you the world! But peel back the external layer and it's watery with little substance. You're better off not knowing it at all. 29 Dates Lena_zajchikova / Getty Images Dates are the Jeff Goldblum of the fruit world. No one seems to be that into them when they're young and fresh, but they really come into their own after some time and suddenly absolutely everyone fancies them. Unfortunately, unlike Jeff Goldblum, they're not particularly cute so they're relegated to this end of the list. 28 Cherimoya Fabiodinatale / Getty Images Look, I don't know, I've never even tried this fruit, but look at those black little beady eyes looking out at me. Not sexy. 27 Papaya Ansonmiao / Getty Images I feel like papaya has great potential to be sexy. It's satisfyingly big, soft, and sweet. However, it looks like its full of spiders' eggs. Next. 26 Passionfruit Yuanruli / Getty Images I bloody love passionfruit. It's delicious. And the name would suggest that it would be very sexy, but in fact it looks like an alien egg filled with even creepier alien fish eggs. Also, there is no way you can eat this fruit in a sexy way without the use of utensils. You would have to tear it open and slurp it out like an oyster. Although maybe some people are into that sort of thing? 25 Logan fruit Daoleduc / Getty Images This is basically a potato but named after a terrible Gilmore Girls boyfriend. 24 Pineapples Oleksii Polishchuk / Getty Images Delicious, but featuring a lot of unnecessary faff making it incredibly difficult to access, much like a slinky jumpsuit which looks really nice until you have to strip down completely in the cold pub loos just so you can have a wee. Also it contains bromelaid, which is a compound that dissolves flesh. That said, you could argue that it eats you as you eat it, and reciprocity is always good, which is why it isn't lower down. 23 Kiwifruit Yayaernst / Getty Images I'm sorry to inform you but hairy, prickly balls are not very sexy. 22 Quince S847 / Getty Images I don't have much to say about quince other than that they leave me unimpressed. 21 Acai Brasil2 / Getty Images Admit it, just like me you probably had no idea what acai berries actually looked like when not in the form of a perfectly stylised smoothie bowl. Frankly I don't really know what they even taste like because they're never a thing in themselves. They're the thing mixed with other things so you know what you're getting is probably healthy. 20 Bilberry Almaje / Getty Images "Bilberry" sounds like the surname of a kindly shopkeeper or postman. Wholesome, but not sexy. 19 Lemon and lime Kateryna Bibro / Getty Images I'm putting these together because they're basically the same and I know you're a busy person with important things to do. They're important in the world of drinks and sour sweets, but watching someone eat a raw lemon is vaguely disturbing. 18 Starfruit Joloei / Getty Images They're friendly and really cute, but cute as just a friend, you know? 17 Persimmon Fabiodinatale / Getty Images I'm really conflicted about persimmon. On the one hand, they can be delicious. On the other, they kind of look like tomatoes and if you get a really soft one it is very not delicious. "Persimmon" sounds sexy and mysterious, but their other name, "Sharon fruit", conjures images of someone complaining to the manager. Overall, I don't know. Persimmon is the fruit equivalent of that weird crush you have, the one you know is wrong but is also very, very right. 16 Bananas and plantains Anamejia18 / Getty Images YES I KNOW THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT, but they look similar and that is what is important in this very important ranking. And yeah okay they're phallic, but just because something is phallic doesn't mean it's sexy. 15 Mango Valentynvolkov / Getty Images Mangos are like sex in a really good long-term relationship. No real air of excitement or mystery, just nice and sweet and they know how to make you happy. 14 Satsumas mandarins and tangerines Key05 / Getty Images They're so cute and petite! A perfect delight. They're as widely available as apples but they actually put in the work, unlike bloody apples. They know how to treat you right. 13 Melons Viktar / Getty Images They're big and they're beautiful and they're delicious. 12 Grapes Pilipphoto / Getty Images Grapes are the things your younger, tanned lover feeds you as you relax on your chaise lounge, whilst another equally tanned lover fans you with a gigantic palm leaf. It is also the thing you stomp down on to make sweet summer wine that you will drink with your two, tanned Italian lover during that one, glorious summer in 1968. 11 Pomegranate Oxyzay / Getty Images Okay, this is controversial because pomegranates definitely look like weird spiders eggs too. However, it has also been the historic symbol for female fertility and is also theorised to be the actual forbidden fruit referenced in the Bible, which is much more appropriate than boring fucking apples. I think pomegranates hold some sort of weird and powerful fertility goddess energy and I respect them for it. 10 Grapefruit oranges and pomelos White_caty / Getty Images Often used as a visual metaphor for vaginal health, I guess they're sexy because vaginal health is sexy?? Nothing better than a healthy vagina. 9 Cumquat Kolesnikovserg / Getty Images Literally has the word "cum" in it, lmao. 8 Avocados Gradyreese / Getty Images The further down this list I go, the more I realise that is much easier to explain why a fruit isn't sexy rather than why it is? I don't know what to tell you, I guess I'm just a simple millennial stuck in the rental market and who loves a good avocado. 7 Raspberries Silverjohn / Getty Images Raspberries are soft and delicate and delicious. I don't know, I don't need to explain myself to you. 6 Blackberries Kobeza / Getty Images I know that blackberries look like black caviar or maybe also spider's eggs, but there is something about them. They're raspberries' goth girlfriend. If fruit had zodiac signs they'd all be Scorpio. 5 Pears Okrasyuk / Getty Images Pears are really crap as an actual fruit and taste like wet sand, but they're also the thiccest of all the fruits. 4 Redcurrants Malvablondie / Getty Images Redcurrants, as far as I am concerned, are extremely sexy. They straight up have little nipples! My editor, Remee, just told me they are merely the decorative fruit you put on cakes and no one actually eats them, but to that I say, surely that means they're so aesthetically pleasing in and of themselves that they can be on a cake without having to add anything to the taste??? It only further proves my point!! Anyway they're flipping delicious and you're all idiots for ignoring them. One day you're all going to turn around and take notice of redcurrants, but it'll be too late, because they'll be married to someone way richer and hotter than you living in a big house by the beach. You had your chance and you blew it, Remee. 3 Peaches apricots plums and nectarines Volgariver / Getty Images They're all just tiny, tasty asses aren't they? 2 Strawberries Sanny11 / Getty Images Though perfectly harmless and wholesome on their own, if you dip strawberries in chocolate and give them to someone, it is absolutely undeniable that this is the equivalent of simply saying "I want to have sex with you". The moment a strawberry comes in contact with chocolate, the whole atmosphere changes. I don't know how or why this rule came about, but it is now the undeniable truth, part of the cultural zeitgeist and so we must accept that despite their weird external seeds, strawberries are sexy. Okay now I m going to reveal the sexiest fruit of all based on nothing but my vague opinions Drum roll please Franz12 / Getty Images AND THE WINNER IS Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images 1 Cherries Gannamartysheva / Getty Images Okay, I know I promised you that I would rank all the fruits, and this isn't quite all the fruits. And perhaps you expect something less obvious than cherries as the sexiest fruit. Perhaps you wanted some new, unusual fruit that looked like all your carnal desires. But I'm sorry to break it to you, buddy, but the most obviously sexy fruit is also the most obviously sexy fruit. We all already knew it. Share This ArticleFacebook PinterestTwitterMailLink TastyGet all the best Tasty recipes in your inbox! Sign up for the Tasty newsletter today!This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.