Ridiculously Stupid Things Final Fantasy Just Won’t Stop Doing
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15 Ridiculously Stupid Things Final Fantasy Just Won t Stop Doing
Square Enix just can't quit making huge mistakes with Final Fantasy. When will they figure it out!? via neogaf.com Ahh, Final Fantasy. For the last 30 years, gamers have had a steady stream of those lovable, accessible role-playing games to enjoy. And over three decades, the Japanese RPG franchise has not changed as much as you might think. In spite of myriad advances in technology, the Final Fantasy series continues to rely on the same tired tropes, game in and game out. Look, I get it. Game developers have to do what works, and the Final Fantasy formula works, whether you like it or not. The franchise has provided a constant income stream for Square since its inception in the late 1980s. Today, five generations of consoles later, those gorgeous games still sell like hotcakes. Players keep coming back, not because the Final Fantasy games are flawless, but because consumers like what Square has been selling for the last three decades. In truth, Final Fantasy is just about as far from flawless as you can get. Square has made plenty of updates to its best-known franchise over the years, modernizing interfaces, battle systems, and dialogue. But the fact remains that, in its blood and guts, Final Fantasy has remained mostly unaltered for its 30-year history. Even the series’ most recent entries teem with the same old plot clichés and stock characters that were present in its original incarnation back in 1987. It’s not all bad, of course, but it would be great to see Square use some new tropes in future Final Fantasy installments. THEGAMER VIDEO OF THE DAY Orphaning Heroes
via YouTube.com (AllGamesDelta Media) Really, Final Fantasy, what’s so wrong with letting your heroes’ parents stay alive? Almost every protagonist in the franchise has lost one or both parents. Their deaths aren’t even related to the story at hand, in most cases, which means the writers have eliminated the families of their young fighters and magicians for mere convenience. After all, it is much easier to send someone off to war, or on a globe-trotting journey, if they don’t have any pesky relatives to worry about. To be fair, this isn’t a trope that’s unique to Final Fantasy. Most role-playing game heroes have been orphaned, either before the game begins, or shortly thereafter. But because the Final Fantasy franchise is something of a trend-setter, if it ditches the dead-parents plot element, other games will follow suit. Questing For BS
via finalfantasy.wikia.com At this point, we should probably stop pretending that anything in Final Fantasy means something. Almost every important item in the franchise is a MacGuffin, an object that could be literally anything else without changing the story. Any of the series’ famous crystals could have been swords, statues, books … even non-player characters, if you can believe it. The same rule applies to many of the games’ key items, which don’t really do anything but advance the plot through fetch quests. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy story using MacGuffins to its heart’s content, but it would be nice to see a little more depth and oomph in a Final Fantasy plot. Instead of sending parties after items that don’t mean anything, at the end of the day, maybe Square could start involving objects that matter in its Final Fantasy narratives. Making Ragnarök-Proof Towns
via YouTube.com (L3ONARDO07) You know, as much as we all enjoy Final Fantasy’s eon-spanning stories and ancient relics, would it kill Square to give us an honest-to-goodness, post-apocalyptic Final Fantasy game? Many of the franchise’s installments take place centuries after catastrophic events have rocked their worlds, destroying entire species and civilizations, but somehow leaving their cities and technologies intact. Just once, we should be able to walk through a truly desecrated landscape, in which the cities have been left as nothing more than charred ash. It surely is convenient for Square’s writers to leave those ancient buildings in an explorable-enough condition for our heroes to investigate, but it would be a great change to have a grimdark Final Fantasy landscape, instead of the same old gilded and polished settings. Giving Heroes Odd Hair
via deviantart.com (kimcheolho) Final Fantasy isn’t the worst odd-hair offender in the RPG genre — that distinction rightly belongs to either Breath of Fire or Fire Emblem — but the series has never shied away from giving its heroes green, pink, blue, silver, purple, candy-apple red, or any other color hair. And because there’s hardly ever a barber shop or bottle of hair dye in sight, you have to wonder whether Final Fantasy characters are born with their unique tresses or just very sneaky about their hair-care routines. (Given that none of your party members ever show evidence of root growth, I’m confident in assuming that it’s the former.) Sure, the “normal” range of light, dark, and red hair colors can, understandably, get pretty boring, but the least Square could do is populate its Final Fantasy worlds with odd-haired NPCs to make their heroes appear a little less conspicuous. Dressing People Funny
via finalfantasy.wikia.com Somewhere along the line, Final Fantasy characters’ outfits went from fanciful to ridiculous. There’s no good explanation for Tidus’ asymmetrical pants, Vaan’s metal vest (more on that later), or Lightning’s Carnaval feather-bikini, among other outfits. That is, other than some video-game artist wanting to make their characters’ clothing choices as impractical as possible. And that’s not to mention the random inclusion of a cowboy — Irvine — in Final Fantasy VIII or Ariana Grande in Final Fantasy: Brave Exvius. Combine these examples with the franchise’s abundant, decidedly not-battle-ready miniskirts, crop-tops, capes, and high heels, and you’ll see that Final Fantasy’s questionable costuming has transformed from a funny quirk into a bad habit, and one that should be broken as soon as possible. There’s a world of fantasy attire out there that actually makes sense, and Square should be tapping into it. Speaking Latin
via YouTube.com (Balthier mied) Ever since “One-Winged Angel” rocked its way onto the scene, Final Fantasy has been obsessed with Latin. Artworks and music in Final Fantasy VIII had Latin titles, and almost every character in Final Fantasy XV has a Latin first, middle, and last name. Granted, those titles and names actually make sense in Latin, for the most part, but there’s an obvious disconnect between the Final Fantasy franchise and the dead language of the Roman Empire. One does not go with the other, and no matter how much Square wants to shoehorn Latin into its role-playing games, it will always stand out, and not in a good way. Pretty much the only great thing that could come from Final Fantasy’s gratuitous use of Latin would be if generations of youngsters took to studying the Classics, and I seriously doubt that will happen. Wielding Swords
via comicvine.gamespot.com For all the advancements and game-setting changes Square has made, the Final Fantasy developer has always kept its heroes well-equipped with a variety of decorative swords. The Gunblade — a strange, vibrating hybrid of a revolver and a sword — made its debut in Final Fantasy VIII and returned in Final Fantasy XIII, but that’s about the extent of Square’s experimentation with other weapon types, at least as far as its primary protagonists are concerned. Even Serah’s Bowsword, the most inventive weapon any Final Fantasy main character has used in recent memory, was still a sword, when all was said and done. Various party members have wielded dolls, balls, rackets, books, instruments, and other implements over the series’ 30-year history, but Final Fantasy heroes stick with swords, for reasons that aren’t quite clear. Searching For Lost Technology
via finalfantasy.wikia.com In the same way that the Final Fantasy franchise is obsessed with leaving ancient cities in usable condition, it also wants said cities’ technology to be in working order whenever a merry band of adventurers comes along in the future. Seriously. That ship up there, the Fahrenheit, was at the bottom of the ocean when the Al Bhed raised it in Final Fantasy X. Not only did the airship fly, but its cannons also worked in the heat of battle. Did I mention that was at least 1,000 years after it was built? Final Fantasy X isn’t the only series installment to feature ancient technology that still works like a charm when the heroes find it, but it is a prime example of the extent to which Square is prepared to go for this trope. Separating Game And Story Mechanics
via zerochan.net Why couldn’t we use a Phoenix Down on Aerith? Because the game rules only apply until they don’t. Final Fantasy has a way of playing fast and loose, not only with its own mechanics, but with players’ expectations as well. That’s why getting a SeeD promotion in Final Fantasy VIII doesn’t earn Squall a pay increase, and it's why reserve party members can’t step in whenever Tidus and Yuna faint in Final Fantasy X. Obviously, no one wants to play a video game that’s 100 percent realistic. And let's be honest, Final Fantasy VII just wouldn't work without Aerith's death. But it wouldn’t kill Square to be a little bit more consistent when designing Final Fantasy gameplay. After 30 years, fans expect the series to put a bit more thought into character deaths and rank-ups than the overly simple explanation that those rule-bending moments help the story along. Worshiping Evil Gods
via YouTube.com (Aurora TenchuKadan) If there is a god in a Final Fantasy game, it will probably be evil. At the very least, its sense of morality will be so warped that it will appear evil to any reasonable human being. Final Fantasy X has Yevon, a deity who convinced his people to sacrifice themselves in order to create a facsimile of their city, which was on the brink of destruction, and who wiped out any civilization that could come close to discovering that created city. Meanwhile, in the Fabula Nova Crystallis games, the fal’Cie routinely enslave humans who come into contact with them, giving them tasks that are nearly impossible to complete, with both failure and success leading to deaths of different kinds. All of this leads to one very simple and boring conclusion for Final Fantasy players: If there’s a religion organized around a god, you probably shouldn’t trust it. Making Sequels Harder
via primagames.com Over the course of three decades, Final Fantasy’s heroes and bosses have grown more powerful with each passing installment. Chaos, the final boss in the original Final Fantasy had just 2,000 hit points, an infinitesimal fraction of the health allotted to the Final Fantasy XV superboss Adamantoise, whose 5,264,000 HP make for an hours-long battle. And the Adamantoise is only about one-tenth as hardy as Yiazmat, a . Even if we rule out superbosses, Final Fantasy XV’s Ardyn — a pushover final boss if there ever was one — has 100 times as much HP as Chaos. I’m all for fighting HP-rich bosses with overpowered swords, but maybe Final Fantasy could tone down the sequel escalation for a change. Featuring Kinky Costumes
via icicledisaster.com Final Fantasy costumes are already weird enough, but someone had to throw some 'adult' clothing into the mix. Square’s JRPG series is full of bondage-inspired gear that’s supposedly battle-ready, but offers little or no protection to the wearer. Vaan, the sky-pirate hero of Final Fantasy XII, wears a metal vest, and his fellow party member Fran walks around in lingerie and — real! — rabbit ears. Meanwhile, Final Fantasy IX’s pretty-boy antagonist, Kuja, rides dragons in a metal thong, and Paine’s Full Throttle dressphere in Final Fantasy X-2 turns her into a bladed fan with killer — no pun intended — legs. I’m no prude, but it seems to me that Square, with all its infinite resources, could have found our heroes something more protective to wear. I know Princess Leia pulled it off before Final Fantasy was ever conceived of, but how is a ? Resisting Corrupt Governments
via finalfantasy.wikia.com The Final Fantasy franchise tends to favor stories that pit the heroes against corrupt governments instead of nature or the supernatural. It’s not that these stories are bad, or that they’re boring in any way. The Final Fantasy franchise simply should have introduced some variety into the mix a long time ago, and even more so after Final Fantasy XV arrived to numerous criticisms, from buggy missions to the lack of female representation. It’s understandable for Square to shy away from a return to the man-versus-evil plotlines that dominated the series’ early installments, but at this point, there is really no secret as to who the enemy of a new Final Fantasy game will be: the side with the most organization and military power. Misusing Myths
via gamingcypher.com When it comes to cultural appropriation, Final Fantasy is one of the worst offenders in the video-game industry. Just look at Shiva, Lakshmi, and Ifrit — all beings that people around the world believe in today, but which are grossly misrepresented in Final Fantasy games. Square has always pulled from a wide spectrum of religions and folklores to create its games’ distinct iconographies and mythologies. That’s not really a problem, as the vast majority of art is, well, theft. Remixing elements is part and parcel to any speculative fiction, video games included. But the least Square could do is use the ideas it lifts in a respectful manner, especially when the gods and spirits referenced in Final Fantasy and other games are still being worshipped by active — and often marginalized — communities around the world. Leaving Open Endings
via YouTube.com (Cassidy Chen) Even though they tie up their loose plotlines in semi-neat bows, most Final Fantasy installments leave room for a sequel or two — or even six, in the case of Final Fantasy VII — and those that do often combine a near-incomprehensible series of eleventh-hour plot twists with just the right amount of doubt to create a tried and true “The End … or Is It?” conclusion. In many cases, players are left to wonder what has happened to the main characters, who may or may not be alive by the game’s ending. That wouldn’t be so bad, were it not for the fact that the Final Fantasy sequels — and yes, there will always be sequels — go from charming nostalgia to cash-grab in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, all those open endings start to feel groan-worthy, and the replay value plummets.